Random 5:30 am thoughts

If there's anything that the coronavirus closures has done for me, it's given me more time to blog. I've got so many things running through my head, and getting things down on here helps me sort things out. I have not slept well this past week. Anyone else with me on this? In fact, this past week has been one of the longest weeks I've ever experienced. Sooo much has happened. From this time they closed school for 2 weeks, to the governor closing for the remainder of the school year, impacting BGC as well. Then I saw the Alley close, and I'm officially unemployed. I'm not used to being still. Sure, I enjoy the occasional day off, but NOT this way. My mind goes to my kiddos at school who have learning difficulties, some severe. I miss sitting with them and helping them with their work. I worry about them, because they will be impacted, perhaps more than those who are not on special education plans. I miss the kids who I would see in the hallway and give a wave, a high-five, or pat on the back. And then my mind goes to the BGC, a whole different world. I really enjoy my time at Boys & Girls Club. I get to read with the kids, sing silly songs with them, and give them the tools they need to be successful in life. And I can't forget my kids at church, where we get to give them the spiritual guidance they will need to live a life that is pleasing to God. I miss these kids. I miss my co-workers and teachers. I am not alone in this. Some of the teachers from my school got together yesterday, made some fun, encouraging signs to stick to our cars, and drove the streets of our school's boundaries and beyond. We sent the word out via social media that we'd be parading through the neighborhoods. The kids and their families came and stood in their front yards waving, some holding signs, and we'd wave back, shout, and honk our horns. Our goal was to let these families know that we have not forgotten them, that we love them, and that we're going to get through this. More than a few times I wiped a tear or two away. It was great to see those familiar faces, but we weren't able to get out and give them huge hugs. As a teacher, this is very hard. We still had 2 months to go, and so much more teaching to do. For many kids, this is where they get 2 square meals a day. This is their safe place. Normalcy for them. As we gathered in the school parking lot preparing for our parade, I looked at our building and just prayed that this wretched virus would go away! I just want things to go back to normal. I want to work on letters and numbers with my school kiddos. I want to sing "Herman the Worm" with my BGC kiddos. (Look it up, it's hysterical.) And then, there's the Alley. This is harder work than my other jobs, but I love my co-workers, and the relationships we have built with the people who come in and bowl. The Alley was the last bit of normalcy I had before it closed.  

Yes, I know that God is in control. I have given it all to Him. He knows what He is doing, and there is a plan. There is a bigger picture that we can't see. Maybe it's a chance to show love and compassion to our fellow man. As I was doing some shopping yesterday, I stopped to chat with the lady at self-checkout. I asked her how she was doing, and she told me that she was doing as good as could be expected. She'd been yelled at by a customer who was taking more of their fair share of merchandise. (Some stores are limiting how much of a certain product can be purchased, to give others a chance to purchase it.) She had to enforce that policy, and her head had been bitten off. I thanked her for what she did, and encouraged her to hang in there. She was genuinely touched by my words.     Think about those who work in industries and businesses where they have to deal with the public. These are businesses that cannot close. Grocery stores, gas stations, laundromats, medical professions, etc. Before you snap at them, you need to stop and think about it. You can encourage them, or add to the ugliness that they might be working under. Before you go off on a fellow customer that cuts you off or accidentally bumps into you, it's important to remember that they may be just as scared as everyone else, and deserves a bit of grace. It's something I've been trying to remember as I go out in public.   

It's a call to prayer, these thoughts that wake me up or keep me up. I'll go crazy if I dwell on these issues and not commit them to God. I feel helpless, lost, confused. For a guy who has committed his life to working with kids, it's a very overwhelming sense of loss. Many of you have shared that you are praying for me, and I covet those prayers. As I scroll through Facebook, I see your prayer needs and see the issues that you are dealing with, and I say a prayer for you as well. It helps me get through, when I pray for others.

If you have kiddos that I work with, please tell them hello from me, and that I am thinking about them and praying for them. God's got this, and hopefully, soon, we can all be together again. Thanks for taking the time to read this. It's therapy to get it down, and maybe my random 5:30 thoughts can be some sort of encouragement to someone else. I send my love out to all of you. God bless you.      

Wow! 3/18/2020

I don't think I drew in a breath for a few minutes when our governor announced that schools would close until the end of the school year. I think my heart stopped beating as well. That's my job right there. When schools close, the Boys & Girls Club closes as well. 2 jobs down. At least there was my 3rd job at The Alley. Until tonight. As of now, I have no job to go to. What's next? Will the school still pay us through the end of the school year? Will I need to draw unemployment? These are questions that I'm hoping to have answers to in the near future. Until then, I'm going to have to fully rely on God. In the meantime, what are my plans?

First of all, I'll be spending a few days with my folks. My mom had a pacemaker installed today, and is needing some assistance for a few days. She is not supposed to be using her right arm at all (good thing she is left-handed), and she has to take it easy with her left arm. I'll be hanging out, helping where I can. It would not have been possible, had I been working my 3-job days. I'm also going to open up my home to any parent who needs a place for their kiddos to go. I have a good-sized house, and it is clean and disinfected. While I am not a registered day care, I will be functioning as a hang-out spot while parents go to work, get errands done, need a break, etc. God has placed this on my heart, as I feel that this is a definite need. I am already in discussion with a few parents about next week. If you're a parent with a need for your kiddo to go, feel free to Messenger me on Facebook.  

This whole shutdown issue cuts me to my very heart. For those who know me well, my life's work is devoted to working with kids. I love my kids from school, BGC and church. Our church just announced a bit ago that we'll be going to online services for the time being, so I won't have a chance to touch base with my Sunday School kids as well. I keep thinking about those faces of the kids who mean so much to me. One of my BGC co-workers made a brief video of the kids to send to me while I was in Israel. I keep looking at those smiling faces. I just want to cry. When I leave on Christmas break for instance, I know that I'll see them in a couple of weeks. In this instance, I had no closure, no chance to say good-bye, and I miss those kids. I am sure that the kids are feeling this as well. Many of my teacher friends have posted similar feelings. They are feeling the hurt as well.

I pretty much put my heart right there on the table. and you know how I feel. However, I am putting all of this into God's hands. I'll go crazy if I don't. God is still on the throne, and He's not freaking out that this virus has gone out of His control. While we don't quite understand why He would allow this virus to run rampant across out world, we have to trust that there is a plan that we might not know until we get to Heaven. Have you put your worries in His capable hands?  

Please know that I am praying for you. As I scroll through my FB feed, I see the needs and feelings and I breathe a prayer on your behalf. I pray that God will provide for you and answer according to His perfect will.  Short post tonight, but I just wanted you to know how I stand on the issues of today. Thanks for reading, and God bless you!!